Hypothetically Speaking
by Aurifex
Summary: [SasoDei, Implied KakuHidan, oneshot, shounenai] LISTEN TO ME, YOU REDHAIRED TEME, I WAS CURIOUS, OKAY!


"YOU."

Sasori glanced up as he entered the kitchen. Hidan was pointing at him from across the room, holding a can of what looked like spam. He had a murderous look on his face, a vein pulsing in his temple. "BOTH OF YOU." His voice became a low hiss, and he took a step back. "How /often/ do you guys need to do it anyway? How FUCKING often do you guys need sex?! Four times a week?! That's fucking ridiculous! Dammit, at least buy a fucking ball gag!" He was frantic now, "Just to shut you guys up! I'm sick of it! Dammit, I try to concentrate on my rituals and all I hear is... moaning!"

A wicked grin spread across the puppet's face, clearly amused with Hidan's outburst. "Oh, but Hidan, Deidara's such a good lay." He stepped forward, "Are you jealous? Jealous that me and Deidara are the only ones getting a good fuck-fest and you're not?" Sasori tutted, "That's sad Hidan, really." Sasori turned and went over to the fridge, extracting a vile of one of his toxins. "Go pour your blood for Jashin and leave me alone." He said with apathy.

Hidan twitched visibly, and he shook his head. "You and your blonde are some kind of ridiculous, Sasori." He said, sighing. "I can get anyone I want... sadly it would have to be by force, but it's more fun with a struggle." He grinned wickedly at the other before snapping open the can of spam.

Sasori rolled his eyes at that, "You know, Hidan, with you gelling your hair back like that makes me wonder of your sexuality." Sasori said randomly, "Why don't you go claim Kakuzu or something?" He snickered softly, wondering what the Jashinist's reply would be. Of course, what he just said was rather out-of-the-blue, and a cheap shot, but Sasori really didn't care.

Hidan laughed at this. "Kakuzu and I? Well, that's an interesting combination." He said, peeling away at a layer of processed meat with a smirk. "I really can't say if Kakuzu is my type, anyway." He laughed again, and examined the spam curiously. "I think we'd fight too much."

Sasori thought for a moment, "Didn't you say it was better if it where a struggle?" He laughed softly, "And I wouldn't think me and Deidara would be a good match, but as you can hear - I was wrong." Sasori examined the vile of toxins in his hand for a moment, waiting for it to cool down, it had sort of frozen in the fridge.

"Hah. I know. You're so serious and Deidara's not... well... I suppose it came naturally?" Hidan raised an eyebrow, nibbling on one end of a piece of meat. "What, was it just a surprise or something for the both of you when you found out you liked each other? I mean... how did that even /work"  
Sasori leaned against the counter, shocked he was having such a nice conversation with Hidan. "It came naturally, I suppose. You see, once we got too close and actually kissed - we realized we had feelings each other." Sasori didn't give too much detail, for that was not Hidan's business. "/I/ personally, was frightened that we kissed but Deidara...just thought it was normal and did it again." He looked over at the Jashinist briefly, "After that I decided it was a good thing to be with Deidara." He sighed and held the vile in between his hands - the liquid still too cold to use just yet.

"Hm. Is that how it always happens?" Hidan asked, tilting his head slightly. "Let's say for example that... not that I do," He put up his free hand in defense. "Let's say... hypothetically, dammit... that I liked Kakuzu. And he liked me back. So what, do you just /tell/ them how you feel or something▒?"

"Hey - what am I? The advice section in the newspaper?" Sasori snorted, "Hidan, I'm not sure how to help /you/ get into Kakuzu's pants. It should come naturally and if you think he likes you back...go for it." He stared at the vile, "But seriously, don't ask me. I'm not taking responsibility for something like that." Sasori chuckled and stared at Hidan.

"I SAID IT WAS HYPOTHETICAL." Hidan said quickly, turning around slightly and reaching into a drawer for a fork. He glanced up at Sasori with a small frown, blushing a bit. "I was just curious, dammit... not askin▓ for any fuckin▓ advice..."

Sasori just smiled. ⌠You have problems." He shook his head and looked back over to the slightly flushed Jashinist. "You know, you don't have to hide it if you like Kakuzu." He smirked, "It would get Leader-sama of my back. And Deidara's of course."

"I don't!" Hidan said frantically. "Really! I was /curious/, dammit! CURIOUS!" He leaned heavily on the counter. "And... wait, what's Leader-sama on your back for?" He asked, tilting his head to one side.

Sasori just snickered at Hidan's frantic outbursts. "Sure, sure." He waved him off. "Well, I'm pretty sure he let it go by now. But he sure as hell wasn't happy when he heard about Deidara and I." He sighed, "I had to make a new body after he was done with me."

"Ass." Hidan snorted. "Damn, I can't stand him sometimes. Pisses me off..." He curled his lip, and bit into a slice of spam. "What predjeduce does he have against gay people anyway?"

"You sound like you're defending yourself." Sasori rolled the tube over in his hands, and then slipped it into his pocket, smirking up at the Jashinist.

Hidan's face was contrasting neatly with his hair, bright red against platinum silver. "I'm not in love with Kakuzu," He grumbled, looking at the floor and bending the fork between both hands, having set the now empty can of spam on the counter behind him. "Dammit."

"Sure." Sasori rolled his eyes. "Sure you don't."

"DAMMIT! I FUCKING DON'T!" Hidan set the fork down as well, glaring over his shoulder at Sasori. "I TOLD you, I was just curious!"

"'kay." Sasori shrugged, and turned to leave. "I'll be sure to let 'my blonde' know that we're off the hook once you and Kakuzu become an item. Then Leader-sama will have YOU guys to bitch about."

"Don't tell Deidara THAT." Hidan spluttered, taking a step forward.

"I won't... unless you get your pansy-ass back to your room and tell Kakuzu how you feel. Now."

"...you... you fuckin' wouldn't," Hidan seemed almost fearful now, his blush fading and being replaced with a skin tone so pale that it nearly matched his hair. "I...DAMMIT!" He dashed past Sasori, who merely shook his head with a sigh.

"DON'T BELIEVE ANYTHING HE TELLS YOU!" Hidan kicked open the door to Sasori and Deidara's room. Deidara, who was sitting on his bed, yelped and whirled around.

"W-what?" The blonde stammered, looking confused.

"You heard me," Hidan said, and with that, nearly stumbling on the hem of his cloak, raced towards his own room. Fuck. Sasori /wouldn't/. He wouldn't be THAT cruel, would he?

Fuck, he'd never live this down if anything started to spread. If Sasori told Deidara and Deidara ran his mouth to /anyone/... he was fucked.

He slowed down just outside of his room, and nudged his way inside, panting. Hopefully Sasori wouldn't say anything. Hopefully he had just been saying shit to piss him off. Hopefully... hopefully Sasori was the only one who knew at this point. Hopefully it remained that way. 


End file.
